[[ bLuHdy Life ]]

Friday, October 14, 2011

.::::.

I'm feeling really terrible.
I just want to get lost in games.
Forget the pain.
But my mum took all of it away from me.
Making me go to sleep at 12am.
In the dark.
With all these thoughts.
I close my eyes, and all I can see is lines with red dots.
All that's on my mind is how painful it is to see the person you love loving someone else.
But this time, I won't show it out.
It's not fair really.
I'm just not the one.
I don't have to make her feel bad that I feel bad.
Fucking hurts.
Drowning myself in pre-Linkin Park.
Almost reaching my limit.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:07 AM~*

Monday, July 18, 2011

.::Sometimes, it is just crazy, the things I would do for you::.

I would even become a Christian just so it will help me with my application to go to Israel.

Sometimes, I really wonder why I love you so much.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:10 PM~*

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

.::I'm losing her::.

I feel like we drifted apart.

Since last week.

When she missed my birthday movie date, maybe?

I got upset.

And then there was that spam hug post and you got jealous.

And you said you were sorry for being such an idiot.

And I make you feel okay.

I make you feel that I love you no matter what and you're not at fault,

you are just protecting yourself.

And then I don't know what went wrong.

One day you just said brb and you went offline.

You never came back.

And the next morning, I found that fake crush.

It destroyed me.

And the same night, you left without saying goodbye again.

You of all people who I thought would understand.

I was down in a hole, and you just left me there.

It worsen my depression.

I fought really hard not to cut myself again.

I end up biting.

I feel that I do need help this time.

I looked up stuffs about self harm.

And found LifeLine.

I do consider giving them a call this morning,

but

I'm low on mobile credit,

people are home and my housemate keep asking me stuffs

I know I will definitely cry if I talked about it

I don't even know what I should talk about

There are just too much to talk about.

I don't think my cold is helping either.

I don't care so much that she doesn't love me back

but I don't want to lose this connection.

Like we drifted apart.

Like she got bored with me.

Should I just pretend that everything is the same?

and hope that things will be okay again?

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:47 PM~*

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

.::::.

I can't take it anymore.
This hope I don't want to hold on to anymore.
Why didn't she just tell me who she wrote that for?
Is it me? Is it someone else?
It's painful to hope.
Maybe she does loves me.
Maybe it's just not possible for us to be together coz we're so far away.
I need her.
I need her to feel alive.
A purpose in my life.
Watching that movie was all I wanted for my birthday.
But it didn't happen.
I don't blame her for overslept
but it's all i ever wanted yesterday.
All I ever wanted.
And I can't tell you you are the reason I'm upset.
Because I don't want you to feel sad that you're the reason I'm sad.
So I'll just drink.
I'll drink and pretend everything is OK.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
10:44 AM~*

.::Having my 7th shot of vodka::.

I shouldn't coz i have to work tomorrow but who gives a fuck.

I just wanted to .. fuck it.

She means the fucking World to me.

but I guess I'm just nothing.

Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.

put me out of my fucking misery.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:58 AM~*