[[ bLuHdy Life ]]

Saturday, October 31, 2009

.::lonely.::.

failed C# as miserably as expected.

It's only times like these that makes you realise that you don't have much close friends.

else I'll be talking to them on the phone now and not blogging.

Ever since DemoDay,

you almost called me everyday.

I can't tell if I'm grateful for your company,

or cautious.

You were the fire that kept me warm,

and gave me light...

but you also burnt me so bad.

You banned me from your light,

with no reason.

And with no reason,

you allowed me back in again.

If you didn't hurt me so bad in the first place,

maybe I would have more self esteem,

and wouldn't fail so bad like I do now.

you said I'm a good programmer.

you said I'm kind.

but all these words just felt like a lie.

I don't mean to upset you,

I don't mean distrust.

It's too late to mend this heart,

It's too late to restart.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:16 AM~*

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

.::Held Back.::.

I love Tassie, I really do.

People are nicer,

public toilets are actually useable,

buses are neat and cleaner,

and lots of events are organised frequently.

Showday, TasPride, Queensball...

When I found out events for TasPride which is held from 31st Oct till 15th November,

I felt so excited.

I want to see what this is all about.

I want to attend all those parties, and picnics and movie organised during that period.

but then reality struck and I realise...

the only free time I had is during my exam period...

which I'm not sure if I'm willing to sacrifice the time yet.

After exams, I'll be working a lot.

To define a lot, I'll probably only have one off day per week.

But that's not so bad, right?

At least I could attend one event...

But that is only sad thing number one.

Cause I also realise afterwards...

I don't have anyone to go with :(

Which is sad thing number two.

And it is also the reason holding me back from staying here.

Friends.

Not just uni friends where you occasionally say hi in class or ask about assignments or people you work with,

but friends to hang out for coffee,

clubbing,

and maybe catch a movie.

I don't have much of these kind of friends back in Malaysia,

so I was lonely then.

but here, I am lonelier.

Cause I don't have one at all.

Maybe cause I work too much.

Always working in the weekends when people go out to socialize.

Busy with uni when it comes to weekdays.

These became the reason I wanted to go back to Malaysia.

even though public toilets are so dirty and stink like hell,

and people are also sweaty and smelly and ugh.

So that is probably why I'm not really trying too hard to get PR here.

just like how I'm not really trying too hard to study for my Psych exam tomorrow.

It's like, I'm going to fail C# anyway.

which means I can't get Dean's Citation.

which means it's pointless to try so hard to get good grades for my other subjects.

sighs.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
9:36 AM~*

Friday, October 23, 2009

.::Fireworks::.

Hobart Show Day firework went off around 9.10pm.

Colourful lights accompanied by sound that lasts for only a few brief seconds.

But if you got to share that beautiful brief moment with someone special,

you felt like you just went through something precious,

it's short, but you still manage to share and enjoy it together.

fireworks became such a romantic happy feeling.

but if you're just like me, all alone,

then,

it's just some waste of money unnecessary bright display of lights.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:19 PM~*

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

.::dream - again. Ken + Est::.

I was so damn tired and overslept.
woke up at 10 and quickly rushed to get to uni for PASS.
no way in my life I would miss it.
but due to all the rush,
I only remembered bits of the dream...
which involves walking through a cemetery as a shortcut route to work according to Ken which turns out to be a lie!
I was later chased by zombies and ghosts D:
I trusted you, Ken T_T
hehs.
Est was also in the dream.
It's just one of those dreams where you become romantically involved and felt so real that it's depressing when you woke up.
there.
just one of those dreams...~

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
2:21 PM~*

Monday, October 19, 2009

.::Demo Day::.

big day of computing students.

things went great.

especially with sna.

she was walking towards our table and I just had to look somewhere,

pretending I didn't see her.

just because I don't know how to deal with the oh-right-we're-not-in-speaking-terms-anymore thing.

until she suddenly said "Hi"

as if nothing happened before.

suddenly we caught up with uni stuffs and chatted awhile like nothing had happened before.

I mean, I'm not complaining.

I don't mind.

but life would have been much better if we were still friends in my final year.

or at least I deserve to know why she just suddenly stopped talking to me.

ignoring my existence.

sent me into a slump of depression.

reminded me of my high school years.

we did something bad to our friend and we were not in speaking terms.

we were sorry but we don't know how to go back to how it was between us.

until graduation.

she came and asked if we could take a group photo together.

broke the silence and gap and tension between us,

and we were friends again :)

so many people going in and out of my life.

makes me feel lonely.

even after texting some of my friends about Demoday,
only Elsa arrived to support me.
Thanks Elsa :)

and... while helping >=<>

stumble upon this in Dreamweaver.

error fail :

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:00 PM~*

Thursday, October 15, 2009

.::crush::.

seems that I tend to have crushes on people who emits happy waves...
which is not so surprising considering how often I'm depressed.

on a side note... stress and lack of sleep/ fun is getting to me.
Only realized this morning that I forgot to put in washing powder and softener for my laundry 2 days ago.
So it was completely washed with water. >.>
I even pressed the soak button which is completely useless in this case.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
2:07 PM~*

Friday, October 9, 2009

.::I'm so fucked.::.

Every now and then, I would have one unit which I will have a great deal of trouble with.

maybe it's because I lack time to actually spend time learning it,

or maybe I've lost my programming touch.

looking at the assignment that's due in less than one week,

there's only one thing I feel -

I'm so fucked.

I might need a 11/15 score out of this assignment to pass internally...

which now seems impossible.

everyone that used to help me before either graduated or moved to somewhere else or didn't know anything about C#.

as quoted from Ueki no housoku,

"the pain is not having to rely on someone all the time,

but having no one to rely on at all."

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:01 PM~*

Monday, October 5, 2009

.::Watch Alarms::.

People who set alarms on their fucking watches but either
(a) didn't realise it went off, or
(b) decide not to turn it off either to show off their awesome watches, or their superior inferior ability to set the alarm or to mainly piss everyone off in the library,
DESERVES TO BE SHOT.
goddammit.
it went off not once, but twice!
and maybe more coming soon considering the fact that I have to immediately rant about this before I bloody rage at the library.
bloody fucktards.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:11 PM~*