There are some blogs out there that rambles on about the ups and downs of life
and possible random stuffs once in awhile.
And this blog, is one of them.
Just needed a space to put down some thoughts or I would have gone insane.
And of course, click on the characters above (with names) for navigation to get to other sections in this blog.

I'm not sure yet which browser/ OS displays this blog nicely :/

Max - Posts
Dex - Info
Mike - Archives
Cody - Ryl's Music
Rex - Tagboard
Ron - Exit a.k.a external links

.::Random Poem::.

It was suppose to be a chorus for a song but I've forgotten the music.

You'll say you miss me more than yesterday,

and love me more than words can say.

We'll be together, so come what may.

I'll never have a reason to cry,

knowing you'll be by my side.

and that will be my life,

if you didn't say goodbye.

man... love is both a poison and a drug.

addicted yet killing you slowly.

painfully...

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:23 PM~*

---

.::Cold Shoulder::.

So... either something happen to them,

or I've been given the cold shoulder.

Maybe it doesn't really matter.

Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be loved back.

But it doesn't mean it won't hurt.

But what to do?

It was crush since 5 years ago.

It was wishful thinking thinking that the dream is real.

Dream is a dream.

RL is RL.

Hanging on a thread.

Not sure to climb up or let go.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:03 PM~*

---

.::RL - 1, VR - 0::.

I actually thought getting back into gaming would make me forget my RL pain.

Obviously, I was wrong.

Maybe cause this time,

the pain is still fresh and deep.

ah wells.

that's RL for you.

had to refrain from drinking today.

just so bob wouldn't drink with me

sighs.

so hard to escape from RL today.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
10:24 PM~*

---

.::3D Jay, dotA::.

My pre-ordered Taiwan version of Jay Chou's The Era finally arrived today.

The calender was so awesome.

It's on 3D.

love.

another thing,

I've decided to head back to DotA.

I'm sick of waiting and hoping RL would get better.

sad.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:03 PM~*

.::::.

If I haven't been love,

then I wouldn't have known what this missing feeling is.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:11 AM~*

---

.::It's OK::.

yes.

that's what I need to tell myself to calm the fuck down.

I can't afford to call until it's picked up.

And I would appreciate a text message :(

but it's ok.

pretend that this is only one sided,

and I should be content that my feelings were returned.

Even if it is only for 2 weeks.

Painful.

but life goes on.

same shit different day.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
11:56 PM~*

---

.::MariMite, The Era, Tarot::.

When I have a shitty day,

nothing lifts me up more than to find out a new translation of MariMite has came out.

I would so totally buy them if the novels were translated in English,

hell.

I even bought 3 in Japanese which I can't read and they're still in my drawer since I bought them.

That to say,

nothing depress me more than to find out that they aren't going to translate them anymore :(

but according to DHL,

my Jay Chou's The Era arrived in Tas today.

However it is unsure if delivery will be made today or Monday...

My cards told me that I won't have fun in Queensball this year :(

Why?

Because I will be more aware of how lonely I really am.

Told me that I'm the one who can't commit.

Too focused on past issues to enjoy current happiness.

I guess we're sorta on hold now.

just keeping in touch until we meet again.

I never realise physical contact is that important until now.

I guess you knew that too.

Is that why our conversations feels so different from last time?

that's how I like to think.

maybe it's just karma biting.

I was sorta an asshole back then.

ah wells.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:40 PM~*

---

.::Guilt::.

Yesterday, guilt kicks in and I missed CLY.
I was such a selfish person and abandoned this friendship for love.
It would be great if we can get in touch again.
But nobody seems to have her contact.
Will keep trying.
yeah.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:42 PM~*

.::::.

gawdammit!

bugging me trying to remember this girl's name.

all my facebook searches ends up in dead ends

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:59 AM~*

.::Aqua Blue Cinema::.

it ended :(

too soon.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:47 AM~*

---

.::Loving Anabelle::.

:(

Just finished watching Loving Anabelle.

It relives my feelings,

the passion, the happiness, the closure, the separation.

why can't it have a happy ending? :(

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
2:31 AM~*

.::Confusion + Revenge::.

I think... my friend likes me.

My intuition is rarely wrong.

Maybe if you hold on tighter,

I won't let go.

sighs.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
12:43 AM~*

---

.::::.

I can give sunshine to a plant,

but without water,

it will soon wither and die.

I consider myself to be a faithful person.

I believe I am committed and monogamous.

But, the darker side of me forgives,

but not forget.

My heart seeks for revenge,

betraying my values.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:24 AM~*

---

.::Comfort Hunt::.

Sometimes when I feel lonely,

I will head to TrevorSpace or Khaos Komix's forums for comfort.

There I can find people I can relate to.

And that gives me comfort.

It lets me know that I'm not alone.

There are people like me too.

Besides comfort, I was also looking for faith.

I wanted to believe,

that someday,

hopefully not a very-far-away-day,

I can be just like them,

who found their significant other,

and be happy.

I'm looking forward to Queensball 2010.

An event where I never felt I am alone.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
1:38 AM~*

---

.::Sleep...::.

Before I left my hometown,

I promised I would sleep early.

For the first week, I did.

On the second week,

I guess I have to break my promise.

There's too many things on my mind I want to forget,

or rather, not remember.

not thinking of it.

and the only way doing so is to spend time doing things until your eyes and brain can't take it anymore,

and when you switch off the lamp,

you immediately fell to sleep.

without any of those thinking in the dark.

I think...

I need to get anti-depressants.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
2:17 AM~*

---

.::Slum Online::.

I was about to reach the stairs that leads to the second floor where mangas and animes lie,

when I saw this book on display on the shelf.

Slum Online.

The first moment I saw it,

I was attracted to it.

I read whats written behind.

Interesting.

but I abandoned it.

put it back on shelf and resume path to Area 52.

However, it was not off my mind.

Walked back downstairs,

I grabbed the book and bought it.

It's a story about a MMO player, struggling between VR and RL.

Somehow, it felt like I could related to it.

I'd imagine he's a real life person,

and I want to know what happens to him.

and 3am in the morning,

I knew.

Once I start reading and became absorbed in it,

nothing could stop me.

well... maybe except work.

but man,

I haven't read a story in such a long time.

I was either obsessed with MMORPGs, or Sims 3, or L4D2 or PS2 games like NFS Carbon and FFXII.

the list is never ending.

I used to read a lot.

I stopped when I have another life within MMORPGs.

Just like Tetsuo in Slum Online.

Mine would be MapleStory.

I thrive not to be the highest level,

but strong enough to defeat bosses and help others.

there, I found myself to be of help.

If I train hard enough,

my efforts would pay off.

I would gain experience and level up.

I was part of a guild.

A community.

A group of people who shared the same interest as me.

Who talked the same language.

Except my relatives and my sister,

there's no one I can talk to about MapleStory.

It is my alternate life.

It feels good to level up.

Feels great to get that rare item which is just some binary code.

Feels achieved to have helped someone hunt something,

or reached somewhere.

Feels good to make someone else feels good.

These are the things I can achieve in VR, but not in RL.

I miss my guildmates from original GoldCondor.

BluBear, xXTenMaXx, Jasng8?, Lyndis148, Myniee, Stonkii.

I've never met them.

But it felt like I've known them forever.

We train together.

Help each other.

Fend each other.

Talked about our RL problems sometimes.

Since they all live in Sg,

they even went out dinner sometimes.

Started out as strangers,

became friends through MMOPRGs.

Other people (non MMO players) would never understand this feeling.

The feeling of comfort found in something that is just binary codes.

But to me, it is real.

I wonder how is everyone doing...~

and I miss each and everyone of you GoldCondor members.

-Same Damn Thing; Just A Different Day-
2:53 AM~*

---

bLuHdy Stats

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